Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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