I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
