the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
