you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
