I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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