Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
