Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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