Farmville is her only friend.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
