I am in a vortex of obligation.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
worst night to have a conscience
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize