Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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