Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
