areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
