I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
