There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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