how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
