The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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