My nipple is on Facebook.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
