There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
