exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
