Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
