hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
