I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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