So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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