OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I have demons in me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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