8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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