Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
