What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
