My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize