I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
