I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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