we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
