Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
