Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
