Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
