apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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