Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
