too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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