you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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