I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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