My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
