Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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