you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
