Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
