I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
time to smoke my breakfast
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
