based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
