Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
