Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
