so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
