i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
