Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
