The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
