Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
