a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
