Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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