You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
