Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
