I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
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