What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
